Hiking the M.A.S.H. Trail in Malibu

The first mile was easy and uneventful, but as the trail narrowed, we were ambushed (apparently). Shots rang out and soon the valley was a filled with battle cries and the sounds of gunfire. The river gurgled past uncaringly, ready to receive the gallons of blood that would shortly be spilled (surely). Lisa and I barely escaped. If it wasn’t for the bravery of the stick-wielding Boy Scouts, we would have surely been struck down by the invisible enemies in the hills threatening our lives.

“Bang! Bang! Bang!” one yelled using an oak limb as a gun and firing it into the hills.

“Cha-ching, POW! Cha-ching, POW!” another shouted with a pine-wood shotgun.

We would be forever indebted to these noble and brave non-soldiers.

Soon we were out of the valley. The medic site was ahead, but it too was under attack. Brave, grade-school-aged soldiers were making a last stand on a stationary truck that was nearly rusted into the ground. Again, shots rang out, battle cries, yadda-yadda-yadda. One, strangely, if not heroically, jumped in front of the imaginarily-moving vehicle.

“Suicide! ARGHGHGH!” he yelled convulsing in front of the truck. The battle had beaten him. The horrors can be intolerable. Maybe Hawkeye could still save him.

“Look what I discovered!” his sister yelled. She had “discovered” another vehicle rusting into the ground 8 feet from the other. Suck on that, Columbus. The battle moved to the other vehicle, and it was time for Lisa and I to retreat.

If you plan to hike the M.A.S.H. trail at Malibu Creek State Park, best to pick a day when it’s not overrun by a Boy Scout jamboree. Maybe a weekday perhaps. Also, the fees are terrible, $12 for a day pass. Robbery.


3 thoughts on “Hiking the M.A.S.H. Trail in Malibu”

  • Hey, just for the record… what makes you think the best places to hike/explore are the ones designated by government? You seem to follow signs to the biggest-marketed places, then complain the fee is high. 

    Get out and truly explore! I used to drive from NYC to VA and see the cave signs along the road. Those caves suck. They are show caves, made and groomed for the masses. After I joined a club and became an insider, I was shown places that you could only dream of. Not in books, not on signs, only through association.

    Now that’s hard when you’re a vagabond en-route, but the principle has to apply to this trek somehow. Have you tried to go beyond reading blogs to contacting the people? Asking them to show you off-the-beaten-path places? Without registries, honor system payment envelopes and gov’t-run campgrounds?

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