The Dogs Are Better In London
We’re just around the corner from London Fields park, one of the seemingly endless London public parks. The parks are wonderful, but the space isn’t the most amazing thing about them. It’s the dogs.
Like a lot of parks, people bring their dogs to London Fields. The dogs run and play and sniff and sit. Which you’d expect, that part is just like every other park in the world. The weird thing is that the dogs don’t bark. They don’t chase each other. They don’t sniff the crotches of foreigners. They just behave. They return to their owners when called. They don’t nose asses, hump legs, chase children. And they do it all off-leash. There seem to be no leash laws in the London parks, probably because they’re no reason to have leash laws in London parks.
Honestly, normally, I hate nearly every dog person. I hate when a dog slobbers all over me, puts its paws on my chest, tries to bite my face off. No, your dog isn’t being “friendly,” it’s being a piece of shit. I just don’t enjoy that. I don’t know why anybody would. You might think your dog is cute, but it’s just a stupid animal to me. I have no emotional attachment to it.
I don’t like your poorly-trained dog, and I’m upset with you for not training it. When I see your dog charge across a Chicago park and tackle an unsuspecting child, I want to strangle your dog in front of you, then strangle you. When you’re walking down the street and your dog decides it’s time to murder the dog across the street and strangle itself straining against your leash, barking with all its might, I want to murder you. I don’t enjoy the frothing barks of anger. I don’t need to watch dog fights on my streets. I get plenty of that shit at Michael Vick’s house.
It’s not the dog’s fault that it’s a piece of shit, it’s the owner’s fault. The dog is just a stupid thing that doesn’t know any better. Humans should know better, and on the dog front, Londoners seem to know best.
So this is just another point to London, well-behaved dogs. It’s really amazing. I wish we could replicate it back home.