Barack Obama Lowers Gas Prices (For Us)
Barack Obama, president of the most powerful country on earth and the primary cause of the world’s economic troubles, took bold action today lowering our gas prices from $4.49 per gallon to $3.49 as we crossed the California border and entered into Nevada. Why he took this action for only us is unclear. However, as the sole puppet-master behind the global petroleum market, we thank him.
It is also unclear whether the president will attempt to impact our current unemployment numbers which remain at a joyous 100%. The foreign-born, tyrannical socialist / communist / fascist may force us to work for the CCC or WPA. We have, after all, been enjoying their efforts as we tour the American National Park System. These parks are paid for with taxes, which Obama will almost assuredly raise on the country’s richest citizens. What a jerk. Everybody knows the only way to create jobs is to lower taxes on the rich.
Additionally, our domestic debt, while under control, could be greatly reduced through either student loan forgiveness or car loan forgiveness. Perhaps the president will donkey-punch the poor and hook us up. What do you say, Mr. President?