Waxie Toilet Paper … You’re the Worst Toilet Paper I’ve Ever Used, So Here’s a Poem.

This stuff is at nearly every park we visit … and I hate it. It just doesn’t work. I wrote it a poem:

Waxie toilet paper, oh how I hate thee,

At least I don’t have to use you when I pee,

Because all you do is smear and smoosh.

You don’t even act nicely when you flush!

That’s why this University is suing you,

You’re no better than a lump of poo.

Because you can’t absorb an ounce,

I must now decree and denounce,

You as the most terrible TP in the land.

Worse than wiping with a tin can,

Almost as good as simple newspaper,

Maybe I should just use an ice scraper?

Without perforations I go through yard by yard,

Using lengths longer than Rue Mouffetard.

Any savings you lied about in your contract,

Vanishes down the drain like kidney extract,

Because as toilet paper, you don’t function,

It’s time for a congressional injunction.