Need a burger? Up for a drive?

Check out our middle-of-nowhere best burger list. Everything from the Jalama Beach Burger to the Adirondack Larry Burger, 2,500 miles east of Jalama Beach.

Trying to decided between Culver’s and In-N-Out?

We ranked them. We tasted ‘em. We concluded: get whatever’s closer.

What about Shake Shack and Five Guys?

Well that’s easy. Go to Five Guys. Go now. Seriously. Unless you’re in Central Park. Then, fine, Shake Shack. Oh, you’re in Seattle? Why aren’t you already at Dick’s?

Meh. Burger?

Seriously? Fine. Get the fish. Or the chicken.

Me? I want a green chili cheeseburger. New Mexico is truly the land of dreamers.

Green chili cheeseburger: perfection in New Mexico.

There are cute shops and great restaurants and fun bars, but they’re all located behind an overwhelmingly visible population of street people. I haven’t seen this many homeless people on the street since strolling down Market Street on a business trip years ago. It’s astonishing how many people brave the brutal weather here. California I can understand but Portland? Maine? It’s surprising.

It’s surprising enough that the local newspapers have picked up on it. It’s a story on Yelp too. Where are they coming from? Why are they here? Paul, can you talk about something else?

Honestly, maybe it was the bleakness of the early spring, but I don’t know why I got so stuck on the homeless people in Portland. In Chicago, they were part of city life. In Austin, it felt weird that there weren’t more of them. And in Portland, like in San Francisco, it just feels like there are too many. We’re not doing enough to help each other out. I’ve got some sort of threshold for tolerance — some accepted number of people who I accept will fall out of society’s framework — and both Portland, Maine and San Francisco, California register above it.

Other than that, Portland’s a cool town. We had great tacos at Taco Trio, great seafood at J’s Oyster, fun southern food at Hot Suppa, and tasty drinks at a handful of bars (including Gritty McDuff’s and LFK). Full disclosure: We were cornered by the local drunk at LFK and he talked our ears off. We stayed at the Inn at St. John, a wonderfully quirky and reasonably-priced option where our private bathroom was located across the hallway from our room and the included breakfast options were amazing.

I really like that corner of the country, and I hope we can explore it more.

Want to experience northern New England without the homeless crowds? Check out Portsmouth, New Hampshire. We stopped in the area for lunch and it’s damn cute. But definitely get some food in Portland if you have the chance. It’s a delicious town. Next time, I’m camping out at J’s, only to venture out for the occasional Trio.

Portland, Maine.

Chicken and waffles at Hot Suppa.

Taco Trio is amazing.

The Inn at St. John. Our huge, cheap room.

There’s a pattern here and I can read it perfectly — Google’s picking cities that spit us out — which is why I know exactly where Google Fiber is headed after Provo: Portland, OR. Yep. The hipsters are gonna get Google Fiber before you. It’s either them or Salton City.

You heard it here first.

J’s Oyster is basically Half Shell moved above ground and put on a pier (Half Shell is a basement-level place in Chicago’s Lakeview Neighborhood). I love Half Shell and miss it dearly. I miss sitting at the bar and eating oysters and shrimp and drinking beers. J’s Oyster has similar bar seating options, but the view is just better — it’s a view of the harbor instead of a view of ankles walking along Diversey Parkway. And there are lobster rolls.

My lobster roll was pretty fantastic. Yes, it was served on the sacrilegious version of the hot-dog bun (cut the “wrong” way), but I don’t really care about that. The thing was loaded with lobster meat and was a good $10 cheaper than the going rate in Boston for a lobster roll. Delicious.

But I was still hungry. A few oysters solved that problem — best dessert ever. We learned from the gent next to us that Maine can’t keep up with local demand, so oysters are sent in from the Chesapeake. No worries. They were great — and also a deal at just over $1 per.

Lisa had some shrimp and a cup of clam chowder — both were excellent.

All that said, we were warned by a reader that J’s was “way over-rated” — and that may be true if you’re a local — but us imports don’t get this sort of shit every day. J’s is a rare breed — fresh, fun, inexpensive, and delicious. Yes, I bet it’s terribly over-run in the summer, but we were there on a weekday and it was wonderful. Wonderful! We almost returned the next night for second helping — it was that good.

J’s Oyster lobster roll.

Oysters a J’s Oysters, Portland, Maine.

And then there’s Five Guys, another East Coast favorite. Could these guys compete with the Culver’s and In-N-Out? It’s time to find out. Keep reading.

ShackBurger. Note the crinkle-cut Culver’s-esque French fries.

Burger: ShackBurger vs. “Little” Burger

Single-patty burgers from Shake Shack and Five Guys both cost less than $5. I thought the Shake Shack burger was very good, but the ambiance did kill some of the flavor (more on that below). Honestly, Five Guys does a better job giving the meat a little crispiness … and then there are the free toppings. Toppings — including jalapeños — are included in the price of a Five Guys burger. We have a winner. Five Guys.

Ambiance: Shake Shack vs. Five Guys

Five Guys trounces Shake Shack when it comes to ambiance. There just are not enough seats at the Shake Shacks I’ve experienced. The Upper West Side location, in the biggest city in the US, has about 15 chairs. We had to fight to get one. It was ugly. I’m sure some are fine, but every Five Guys I’ve come across has plenty of seating. That matters. Five Guys wins again.

Peanuts? Yes, please.

Extras: Booze vs. Peanuts

Last time, when comparing In-N-Out and Culver’s, I mentioned I like a beer with my burger. That’s still true and Shake Shack provides. They even have half bottles of nice wine (which is probably a better way to go than full bottles of half-nice wine). It’s certainly a great addition if you’re the type that likes a $30 split of Ridge with your $5 burger. But the peanuts. The peanuts are something. The peanuts are free. I love places that serve peanuts. Sure, the peanuts at Five Guys aren’t as good as the ones at Joe Jost’s, but they’re something. And … did I mention they’re free? Free peanuts, free toppings. This one is close. Let’s call it a draw.

Others: Fried Portobello ‘Shroom Burger vs. Cajun Fries

Lisa had the ‘Shroom Burger at Shake Shack. It tasted vomit-inducingly bad. Honestly. Heaves. Cajun fries, on the other hand, are gifts from the gods. Heaven. Zeus must have created these. I’m willing to bet Moses lost two commandments when strolling back down Mount Sinai: Though shalt leave the potato skins on; Thou shalt cook fries to a deep amber brown.  They’re amazing French fries — spicy and salty and deeply-browned. Just like I like my women. Five Guys wins again.

Champion: Five Guys

Your new false idol. This one is a double.

Fries done right at Five Guys.

But what about the other two?

Lisa still prefers the Monster-Style burger option from In-N-Out, but I’m a full-on Five Guys convert because of the jalapeños. It’s the fries that end all arguments IMO. Both Culver’s and In-N-Out have TERRIBLE fries. They’re embarrassingly bad. Even the Monster Style fries from In-N-Out can’t compete with Five Guys Cajun fries. Then Five Guys takes it over the top with the peanuts.

Ladies and gentlemen, bow down to the true burger king-of-kings, Five Guys. They know how to do it.

Not game for a chain? Check out these middle-of-nowhere burger options.

Let’s see…

I could drive to Florida! It’d only take 20 hours. I could probably do that straight, right? I could camp on the beach for two days before I’d need to make the 20 hour drive home. It was probably 70 degrees and sunny in Florida. It would be so nice to be warm. But 20 hours there, 20 hours back, alone? No, that wouldn’t work.

West was out of the question. It was too far.

What else? I could go visit someone, but I wasn’t feeling very social. In fact, I was feeling very antisocial. I wanted to go somewhere where I could be alone, all by myself, for the first time in a very long time.

But I couldn’t go anywhere. I only had four days and four days wasn’t enough time. So I went home and I traveled virtually.

I booted up Google Earth and set out on a hike through Buckskin Gulch. Buckskin Gulch is one of the longest and deepest slot canyons in the world, cutting through the empty desert between Arizona and Utah. It’s considered one of the more dangerous hikes in the world. Permits to hike the gulch are tightly controlled and grudgingly distributed to a few lucky groups a day. It’s perfect.

But I couldn’t find the coolest section of Buckskin Gulch. You can’t Google search for something like that.

Next, I rafted down a section of the Rio Grande, where the river divides the US and Mexico in Big Bend National Park. The muddy Rio Grande entertained me by running up and down the sides of the gorge instead of staying in the bottom, like it was supposed to.

The gravity-defying Rio Grande.

After being chased off the Rio Grande by a group of gun-wielding Texans, I headed over to the Grand Canyon. My aim: to find the road that runs out to Cape Solitude, a point on the rim of the Grand Canyon, and to mark it on my map so I could find it again later. I traced dirt roads backwards through the wilderness, choosing from ever-diverging options, trying to find the way back to the main road. I traced the thread until it got wider and stronger, or until it petered out. I found the turn, a small, inconspicuous road branching off 64. I marked it.

To celebrate, I switched to ground level view and jumped off the edge of the Grand Canyon, gracefully sailing down to the Colorado River, far below.

The view north from Cape Solitude.

By then, I’d had enough of the desert. So I found a deserted island in the Caribbean and I stood on the beach and stared at the turquoise ocean for a few hours. I could almost hear the waves, taste the salty spray, feel the warmth of the sun.

The view from my Caribbean island.

Almost.

By the time I was done phantom traveling, the wine was gone and I was in the full throes of wanderlust. Phantom travel doesn’t sate the bug. It’s like looking at pictures of food: they don’t satisfy your hunger, they only make you want more food. This wanderlust is a preexisting condition that I will carry around with me for the rest of my life. Every time I drive to work, or go to the grocery store, I’m going to dream about taking off. I’ve got to accept it and embrace it: it cannot be defeated.

Anyway, I don’t want to defeat it. Let’s go!

How to Travel the World on $50 a Day

It lives up to the promise with sometimes hard-won advice based on screw-ups not repeated and lessons learned from others. The $50 a day pitch is an average, not something you can necessarily do in every country easily. As Matt admits, you can get by on half that much in Southeast Asia or India, but it’s hard to scrape by on $50 a day in northern Europe or Australia even if you’re Couchsurfing much of the time.

…

Some of the generalizations are overdone (“Trains around Norway cost about $70 USD” or for Sweden “Grocery shopping here will cost around $70 USD per week.”)

Read the full review here.

I tend to agree with him — on both counts. The book is very well done and contains all sorts of great advice, but I had to laugh when counting the pages dedicated to choosing a backpack (9) and comparing that to the pages dedicated to downsizing your left-behind possessions (4). Summary of the “what to do with your stuff” advice in four words: get rid of it.

It’s definitely worth a read if you’ve got the travel itch. Pick up a copy on Amazon. And while you’re there, get a copy of Rolf Pott’s Vagabonding too.

Breakfast included all-you-can-drink coffee and a cup of orange juice. Options were limited, but I opted for eggs (over-easy), potatoes, and bacon, while Lisa went for the yogurt, granola, and fruit. Both were delicious.

But there’s more. Breakfast begins the night before — you spend the night at the Union Hotel before chowing down the next morning. Weird, right? As a hotel, the Union Hotel was a bit tiny and cramped. The lobby area was the size of a small closet. Our room wasn’t much bigger than the queen bed it contained. And it was cold — we jacked the heat and still weren’t warm enough in the morning to risk hypothermia by jumping in the shower. Still, though, free hotel! You’ve just got to be comfortable shelling out for breakfast.

For your phone to work internationally, you need two things: 1) an unlocked phone, 2) a phone that’s compatible with the local frequency. Both are tricky.

Just to be a jerk, most cell phone carriers lock their phones to their own networks, so you can’t use a T-Mobile phone on AT&T, for example. When you travel, you want your phone to be “unlocked” from any carrier so that you can use it on any carrier’s network in New York, London, Paris, Moscow, Tokyo, and everywhere in between. The good news is that most carriers will unlock your phone if you’ve been a customer for more than a couple months — just call the support line and tell them you’re traveling abroad and want to use your phone in __ country. They should be able to unlock your mobile with a special code over the phone. It will likely be a long and annoying phone call, but it’ll be worth it, unless …

Unless your phone works on the wrong frequency. The best phones for international travel are GSM phones (Global System for Mobile communications). These phones use SIM cards that you can swap out while abroad. However, phones on Verizon, Sprint, US Cellular, Virgin Mobile, and Boost Wireless are NOT GSM phones (more here). These carriers use CDMA technology (Code Division Multiple Access), these phones don’t use SIM cards, and they work in a lot fewer countries.

There are, of course, exceptions. Many of Verizon’s new 4G LTE-enabled phones (like the iPhone 5) support both CDMA frequencies and GSM frequencies and are great for international travel. But if you have an older Verizon phone, you’re out of luck — you’ll need a new phone if you want to use it abroad.

And it’s not as simple as this. Even if you have an unlocked phone and if it’s GSM instead of CDMA, it still may not work abroad. Many GSM phones sold in the US only utilize two of the four possible frequencies (GSM 850, 1900). These phones are called “dual-band” phones. If you’re traveling to Europe, you want a phone that connects on the other two frequencies (GSM 900, 1800). You want a “quad-band” phone. Here’s a list of countries and common GSM frequencies.

If you have a newer smartphone (like an iPhone or Google Android or Windows Mobile phone), it’s probably a quad-band phone — check the manual. It should say something like “Compatible with: GSM/EDGE (850, 900, 1800, 1900 MHz)” — four frequency bands.

Phew, but it’s not over yet. If you want to use 3G data, it’s more complicated. There are five 3G frequencies, but three of those are most common. Sigh. Maybe just roll the dice on this one and use the hotel WiFi? Damn phones. The most at-risk of not working on 3G in other countries (you’ll still be able to make calls and send texts) are older T-Mobile cell phones. And even if your phone isn’t compatible with 3G in whatever country you’re in, you should still be able to get 2G data. Luckily, you’re on vacation … don’t worry too much about download speeds.

4G LTE? Forget about it.

Moral of the story:

• If you have a newer smartphone on T-Mobile or AT&T, you’re probably good to go abroad, just get the thing unlocked.
• If you have a 4G LTE smartphone on Verizon, you MIGHT be good to go abroad, just call customer service to confirm.
• If you’re buying a new phone and you’re planning on traveling a lot and want an inexpensive, but high-end phone, check out the Google Nexus 4. It’s compatible with (nearly?) every international networks and you can buy it for $299 without a contract. If you’re really going to be traveling a lot, why pay for cell phone contract in the US if you’re not in the US to use it? (More on this below.)
• If you want a cheaper quad-band phone, check out Red Pocket Wireless. Their phones are unlocked and GSM-compatible (they run on the AT&T network in the US). I like the Samsung Chat and the Sony Xperia tipo — both are $160 and sold unlocked according to the website. Click here to shop Red Pocket Wireless. (FYI: Red Pocket sells the iPhone 4 for $450, unlocked.)

How do you get cell phone service in another country?

It’s simple — think of it like converting currency and do it at the airport. The easiest way to get cash when abroad is from an ATM at the airport. The easiest way to get your cell phone to work in another country is to buy a SIM card at the airport and swap it in. There are, of course, international calling plans, but I’m not going to cover those here. You’ll have to tweak a few setting if you’re using a smartphone, but the person who sells you the SIM should be able to help you out.

How to keep your local US phone number while traveling abroad for $20:

There is one problem to long-term travel: if you’re planning to travel for six or more months, you may want to cancel your US cell phone plan to save a few bucks ($75 a month x 6 months = $450 … the price of a plane ticket). If you do this, and cancel your current plan, you will get a new phone number when you return and re-signup for cell phone service in America. If you want to keep your number cheaply, port your current number to Google Voice for $20. Google Voice allows you to listen to your voicemail and send text messages from a web interface which you can log in to while abroad. Using a simple app, you can place calls using your Google Voice number from your smartphone — regardless of the phone number your carrier assigns you. It’s very slick.

(Full Disclosure: I have an unlocked HTC One V. I bought mine on eBay. I am a happy Google Voice user.)

Got any other cell phone tips? Leave a comment below.