“Hey there, young man, got some dirty laundry? Step right up and use one of the machines and Old Cooter’s Laundry & Shower Co. Guaranteed to get your whites whiter and your brights brighter, they are. Yes, sir, they are indeed. We’re a regular Tetons institution, we are, right outside Cooter Bay!
“Oh, you’ve already got a load going? Well, let me just switch that over to a cold wash. Warm? You don’t want that. No, you don’t. I know that’s what you set it to, but what do you know? You’re not an old cooter! Your clothes might shrink!
“This is yours in the dryer too? I’ll go ahead and set it to medium for you. The ‘hot’ setting is really hot. You might burn your hands taking your clothes out! You don’t want you to do that.
“What? Well, it’s just another quarter or two … and another 20 minutes of waiting. Why wouldn’t you want to spend a little more time at Old Cooter’s Laundry & Shower Co.? You can sit at our tables a spell and watch us fidget and fuss and fiddle with your laundry. Yes, the customer doesn’t know what they’re doing, that’s what we say. Want to get on our WiFi? How about a shower?
“Your wife’s in there already, well then, I’ll just check on her, make sure she’s alright.
“Startled her, I did! She wasn’t expecting to see an old cooter peering in on her! Well, she’s safe, you’ll be happy to know.
“Only been gone a few minutes, you say? Well, you can never be too careful, that’s MY motto. You can’t ever tell when disaster will strike. Might shrink your shirts one day and strike you dead the next. Best to have an old cooter fussing about everything, yes indeed. Why, the other day …
“Well, is that a way to talk to an old cooter? Surely you don’t mean for me to drop dead HERE, right NOW! No sir!
“Sir, honestly, that’s no way to talk to an old cooter. We’re just trying to be helpful. Why don’t you relax in the bathroom. Have a nice movement, and I’ll be in shortly to clean you up.
“Well, I’ve never! Sir, we do not provide those services here. My word. Look, your laundry is done. Just get out.
“No, it’s dry enough. It’s time for you to leave.
“Don’t forget to tell your friends about Old Cooter Laundry & Shower Co!”